What is unmasking?

To unmask is to take off one or more masks we’ve been wearing. But what is a mask and why would we wearing one?

The word mask here is a metaphor. A mask is a role we’ve created for ourselves. To mask is to step into such a role and play a part.

Masking is a relationship strategy. It lets us blend in more easily. The goal is usually to find safety in some way. It’s like a big game of pretend. If we play long enough and often enough, we might forget that we’re playing a game at all.

When we mask, we might think, speak, or act differently. Just like a character in a stage play, we learn where to stand and what to do. Some roles are bit parts, with no lines. Others require months of preparation in front of a mirror. Either way, after curtain call, the masks and makeup come off. Or at least they’re supposed to.

Everyone wears masks, at least some of the time. Wearing a mask can be a deliberate choice. It can also happen automatically. We wear masks when we work. When we play. When we love. We may wear masks even when we’re alone. Masking can be a source of empowerment and freedom. Of comfort. But for neurodivergent minds, masking is a Faustian bargain.

Our masks are often more elaborate.

Heavier.

More exhausting.

Even suffocating.

And what’s more, we can become dependent on them. Addicted. And all the while, there is the Sword of Damocles hanging over us.

What would happen if our masks stopped working? What would happen to our relationships? To our careers? To our lifestyles? When neurodivergent minds burn out, they find out.

They find out just how much power is tied to this game of pretend. And maybe that’s you, right here, right now. Maybe you want to find your way back to your True Self. I’m imagining you also have concerns. You may not want to sacrifice everything you’ve built for yourself.

This is why unmasking is a process, not a product. It’s very similar to cult deprogramming. Society trained us to depend on our masks. Now it’s time to find alternative strategies. Now it’s time to claim our freedom.

We don’t need to remove every mask, at all times, and forever. I’m not sure that’s even possible for most of us. The goal is to be deliberate. To cultivate awareness and self-honesty. To make masking as conscious a choice as possible. The main tools we need are curiosity and compassion. And maybe we can rediscover who we really are underneath.